Written by A. Wolf


This article is extensive and we’ve come far to be here, at the more salty and saucy and spicy end of things: oral sex – by which I mean not only blowjobs but also rimming or “ass-eating.” If the latter subjects are distasteful to you, do leave us, but there is a joy and pleasure to be had in it available to everybody with a partner and a lover and I sincerely doubt it is seen on high as sinful, animalistic and base. I will try to convene some of the “meaning” of these acts first.

Sensual Animal and Meaningful Intimate Oral Sex: All oral sex can be about sheer animal sensual or sexual pleasure alone, but it can in addition also be about fully tasting and savouring your lover and partner and knowing them in a most personal and intimate manner. Oral sex is indeed often also driven by raw animal lust (and all the more so especially if and when conducted with strangers and barely known persons during which the depth of meaningful knowing is perhaps diminished), while the latter sense of “knowing” your lover is increased and heightened when oral sex is performed with a regular and only partner and lover in other words in a monogamous relationship. (*See Note). But let’s rather get technical and leave the opening of a moral debate by the latter considerations in check. 

  • Blowjobs

Choosing to Also Start with A Lick or By Immediately Swallowing It: Most of you guys will immediately know what we’re talking about here: it is whether to give your lover’s dick a number of licks first or to put your entire mouth over it all the way at once to begin with. Both ways have times and circumstances at which one is more pleasurable and thus more appropriate than the other though it is difficult to determine exactly when one way is better than the other, and to lay down any law regarding when which one way is more appropriate than the other. I usually think as my own rule of thumb based on my own experiences, that an erection which is still recent and dry is good for licking a bit first while a boner which has been waiting quite a while to be serviced and which is wet with precum, smegma and/or secretion of dick sweat usually responds best to a mouth which immediately suddenly and completely envelopes it as one’s mouth takes it all in at once, and holds it still deep inside for a few seconds. 

Licking on the other hand entails beginning with lapping cat licks with the tongue held flat like a spatula but still also made soft and with the licks delivered first to the bottom of the glans of the penis and moving up progressively with each lick until you land it right onto the meatus or piss hole a couple of times – you ought to make the penis wobble up and down with every lick. After executing say about ten such playful licks, suddenly take the entire penis in as according to the other first-mentioned method, slip it out of the mouth and begin delivering licks in broad strokes all along the shaft from the base up towards the head and ending this series licks again with a couple aimed at the glans… after which you can again take the entire penis in your mouth and start sucking. Sucking from here-on entails moving the penis backwards and forwards in and out of the mouth while sucking on it. And from hereon you can also vary between these types of sucking and licking, and ways of jiggling and moving the penis about with the tongue.             

The Big No-No Way of Doing It: There are guys who derive a perverse pleasure from driving their cocks down their lovers’ throats and into their gullets and making them retch and choke. In short, this is bullshit. It is also called “deep throating” and “throat fucking.” Actually a stupid early het porn movie by that title, namely “Deep Throat,” is largely responsible for the prevailing misconception amongst hordes of lovers that gullet fucking them is nice and enjoyable for one’s partner. Generally, gagging and retching isn’t pleasant and neither should seeing and hearing it be erotically stimulating and a goddamn turn on. Whether it is acceptable and appropriate or not actually depends on whether the guy performing the blowjob regards it as such, but let me add my bit that as perversely pleasurable as it may be for some doing it to others, the wish of the performer should be respected in case they request that their lover or partner don’t thrust their cock all the way down into their throat though admittedly, it will occur accidently from time to time – just as long the accident isn’t deliberately repeated repetitively over and over again. I have in fact been told by a source who wishes to remain anonymous that throat fucking can be dangerous to the owner of the penis since the gag reflex can cause his partner to bite down on his penis and severely injure it – and the performer will be blameless since his gag reflex and biting would have been entirely involuntary no matter how badly the performer had intended and wanted to avoid the injury.

The O-Ring With Your Fingers: There is a crucial blowjob technique whereby a little help is lent by and with the hand or with the finger(s) to be precise which I have also mentioned in the Exercises to the second article (on the penis)… while you lick and suck your lover’ cock, form an O-ring with one or more fingers of your right or left hand round the base of his penis’ shaft, let spit seep onto the ring fingers and start sliding the O-ring up and down the shaft of his cock while your suck him (also possible while licking him). Careful, this can make him cum.

Blowjob Orgasms: Some people speed up, some slow down, some stop moving their mouths over the penis or stop licking it the moment a person starts to cum from a blowjob. Actually, you should just ask in advance what you should do if the receiving person starts to cum: slow down, stop or speed up? The person can also decide and tell what they want the performer to do when they begin feeling they are going to have an orgasm and ejaculate and state their preference moments before they do. Their decision will also partly determine whether the performer receives and takes the ejaculated sperm in their mouth or not… partly because the final decision in this regard should depend on the performer (how this article hasn’t resulted in discussion of the ethics or prescription of manners during kissing and sex a couple times now!). And the performer may try direct where ejaculated semen ends up, but it is pretty much impossible to say and tell, unless the cock is pointed directly at and almost against the target area or object. 

  • Rimming

Why? The Performer and the Receiver’s Point of View: Why would anybody want to eat somebody else’s ass? Well, I’ll take a stab at trying to explain it to those who wonder why. Reasons count for both the performer and the receiver, if I can call the lovers or partners that. From the receiver’s point of view and position: The buttocks are full of nerves and are generally extremely sensitive to the movement and pressure of touch, and the aureole around the mouth of the anus is particularly sensitive in the same sense and the mouth and anus responds to such pleasurable stimulation whether delivered by touch of the fingers, prodding and wriggling by a penis (head) or by a mouth and a tongue and does so by contracting and shivering even. Licking or rimming also primes the anus for peno-anal intercourse. (I have often thought that those who avoid anal sex shun 50% of their bodies’ sexual potential, be they men or women).

   From the performer’s point of view: (This is going to be frank and candid…) Other than pleasuring their partner, the performer might want to rim his partner because the anus is a most private place and being allowed to rim it means being allowed pick up your partner’s most intimate scent and taste. I hate descending to this level of reasoning, but when it comes to oral sex, the anus is no worse a subject for oral attentions than a vagina which regularly disperses dead blood or a penis which ejaculates semen and which expels urine – they all ought to be cleaned prior to oral sex if and when possible (unless the performer stipulates that it needn’t be), but in principle when it comes to oral sex, there is no difference between whether you do it to one or the other.

Technique: The “soft spatula” technique whereby the tongue is made flat and soft is usually the best to begin rimming with – licks with it are delivered in broad flat strokes across the buttocks, into the ass crack and around and onto the aureoles and the mouth of the anus before the tongue is made rigid, pointed and round and is used to prod the aureoles and the mouth of the anus – with technique then further on varying between these two modes interchangeably.


  • Try with Peanut Butter or Strawberry Jelly, Whipped Cream: Apply to the penis and butt in the ass crack and around the aureoles and proceed to lick it up methodically. 
  • Rimming a Butt with A Candy Cane Sticking Out if It and Eating the Candy Cane Out of Your Lover’s Ass.
  • Make your lover cum by giving them a licking blowjob.
  • Make your lover cum by sucking them off only without licking and letting his cock out of your mouth this time.
  • Combine blowjobs and rimming with mutual masturbation.
  • Combine blowjobs with rimming with peno-anal intercourse. And combine mutual masturbation, oral sex and penetrative sex. Incorporate sex toys and vibrators with all of the former, just mentioned sexual procedures and repertoires: you might want to try inserting a butt plug in the form of a tail beforehand and when you have enjoyed looking at it in your lover’s butt and have felt it enough and played with it long enough, remove it and proceed to rim your partner.
  • Don’t forget to try blowjobs and rimming in different positions! 

   Okay, and then this is it for this month’s instalment and contribution of For the Love of It, the fourth in our series. Next month we will be looking at anal sex and the prostate. So join us again for another frank and candid look at the male sexual anatomy and gay sex in March.


* Note: Blowjobs and rimming can often be such personal and intimate sexual procedures that many guys had only done it with partners they had been in steady, longstanding monogamous relationships with, or it might be sensual and sexual pleasures and manners of sexually knowing each other which such lovers had only ever reserved for each other. When I’m talking about this sensual pleasure and way of knowing each other thus being supposedly “special,” it then indeed depends in a certain sense on whether this pleasure and way of knowing each other through these acts are a prerogative reserved for, granted and restricted to only each other by any two lovers. Perhaps some people will argue that this meaning (of a special pleasure and way of “knowing” each other through the acts of oral sex) becomes not only debased and almost impossible when repeating such acts with persons other than with a monogamous lover. Though I have spoken with certainty throughout this series of articles so far, I will admit that at this point I would be venturing on uncertain grounds if I had to personally make a judgement in this regard – it is not my prerogative and right. I just know that for many lovers, the justification and legitimacy of performing such acts with each other depend on its meaning as special rights and prerogatives granted only to their only monogamous partners. 



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