South Africa's LGBTI newspaper since the 1980's

Previous Issue Covers

Our YouTube


By Craig Stadler

2018 is winding to a close, and it feels like just the other day we were raising glasses to herald its arrival. Time flies when you are having fun. I was reading through some of my earlier columns the other day and I am bowled over by how much I’ve changed in the 15 years that I’ve been writing this column. I’ve become more mature in many ways but also more curmudgeonly as you have probably been able to tell if you read me regularly. Small things climb under my skin and bug the shit out of me. But there is none more so than the disease of Millenial Entitlement, coupled with Political correctness – a bigger shitstorm than even Donald Trump.

A study a few years go revealed that the most used word in the English language was the word “I”. I would like to submit that may have changed statistically. I think the term “I’m offended”, may just be giving strong chase to the title so long held by the one lettered, monosyllabic “I”. Ten years ago, if someone said they were offended, the standard response was “So what?”. Now we bend over each other to ensure that no delicate feelings were bruised. We pander to every group with an objection and while there is often merit in the complaint, one must remember that offense is subjective and what might be highly offensive to you might be hilarious to me or may leave me truly ambivalent to the cause. But my question is this:  When someone says something that offends you, can you show me on the doll where you were hurt?ShowMeDolButthurt

Now I’m not talking about a direct insult aimed at your person. That is different and there are many studies showing that emotional scarring is often more detrimental than a physical beating, but there is a difference between “You are a dirty faggot” and “So a dirty faggot walks into a bar”. One is a direct attack aimed at a specific person with the intension of causing pain. The other is a (possibly) ignorant lead in to a joke. Now, you may be pulling your hair out at me right now and disagreeing violently. But what if I told you that that was ok? What if I told you that we don’t need to agree and that we can both continue living our lives with no major repercussions? But the second someone says “I’m offended”, we start using words like “hate speech” and the witch hunt is on. If I was convicted for hate speech every time I called someone a cunt, I may never see sunlight again.

How have we gotten ourselves to a point where we have allowed others to have so much power over us? Did we not fight for liberation so that we could stand tall? So why the cowering? Because that is literally what we have become. A society yelling “Teacher, teacher, she said a bad word” at every turn.

And it doesn’t end there. I recently read an article about a gay couple who were refused by a venue for their wedding day because they were gay. My initial response is “What a cunt venue, fuck them then”. And I felt for the couple. I really did. Until I read further on where they were suing the venue for rejecting them. Ok let me break this down, and I’m prepared for the hate mail, so please feel free, just please spell my name correctly.

Let us assume this legal bid is successful and the venue becomes forced to perform gay weddings. What then? Firstly, do you think they are going to go out of their way to make your special day as amazing as it could be? Of course they aren’t. I know in the past, when I’ve been pissed off with an employer, my work standard slips, it’s human nature, no matter how professional you want to be. Do you really want to dine on their resentment? I wouldn’t want to, not for all the tea in China.

The next problem I see is that you are now still giving your hard-earned money to a cunt who hates you and everyone like you. Think about that. You are literally feathering the nest of someone you consider an enemy and who considers you an enemy, perhaps even more now that you’ve sued them. Meanwhile, hundreds of gay owned and gay-friendly establishments go out of business every day because of lack of support from their own community.

Now, am I saying that we should only use gay vendors or venues and only spend our money in gay and gay friendly establishments? Absolutely not. Even a moffie can produce a shitty product. But why would you want to force someone who doesn’t want you to take your business and your money when there is someone who supports your lifestyle and choices a hundred percent who has a venue of the same, if not superior quality?

Can we please stop playing the victim card, Gay South Africa. It’s been done to death and it’s not attractive in the least. That’s not to say we need to always be a warrior, but sometimes it’s ok to just be. Doesn’t that sound good to you?

Stop overcomplicating. Stop overthinking. Change your tampons boys and girls. Life is not going to live itself.

Content Warning

By continuing to browse this web site you are certifying that you are over the age of 18