“And so what if I love each sparkle and each bangle…”
June signified Pride month in the United States, and you know I do love me some drag queens, so my Instagram and Facebook feeds have been full up to the brim with images of pride celebrations and notifications of parties coming up etc. It has been a technicolor banner which has really brightened up this frozen little fat bitch as the winter begins to bite.
Now, if there is one thing about me you should know, at my heart, at my very core, I am unicorn rainbow gay. I am showtunes and Liza Minelli gay. And not ashamed of it. You’re not going to get me at 110% every time you meet me, in fact you will likely get it fairly rarely, as I tend to lean towards introvert – but there are days when she is a spinning disco ball and a million fairy lights and it gives me life.
Todrick Hall gave us “Nails, Hair, Hips, Heels”, my childhood best friend is starring as the lead in the South African production of Kinky Boots, and there is much to be celebrated!
One of my proudest moments recently, was the night Nina West was eliminated from Drag Race season 11. I fell in love with that stunning soul from moment one and when she sashayed away in that rainbow flag outfit, mama…I was gutted but I gave a standing ovation with tears streaming down my face. I haven’t watched the rest of the season yet to be honest. Congratulations, Yvie. There, I was nice. Meh. (Next month I will discuss reasons why RuPaul won’t be getting a Christmas card from me this year).
In amongst all these amazing posts I kept seeing something popping up, like a fly in April…can’t really understand why it’s there, but it’s not as annoying as a fly was in January. And this little tidbit was about “Straight Pride”. Now… if you know me well, you will know that when I first read about this event, my initial response, out loud, was “F**k all the way off”. What the hell do straight people want a pride parade for? Every damn day is straight Pride!
But I am finding Namasty and my medicated ass sat down to ponder the idea of a straight pride event and to speak up for its existence. Devil’s advocate. Why not?
Now, as gay as I am, a very small percentage of my friends are gay. In fact, most of the people in my life are straights and I don’t mind sharing crockery and cutlery with them. I am evolved. I have even seen them at my local Woolies, buying things. And I was ok with that too. To each his own. A man needs to eat. My inner circle, however, is Sunday Brunch gay, so it becomes hard for me to not want to protect my chosen family. So immediately my hackles went up.
Let’s look at the concept of a straight pride parade. Notice how there are not capitals…it’s on purpose.
Now I may shock some of you…but I love the concept of a straight pride. I celebrate anyone’s rights to be exactly who they are and live their truth. I may not like or agree with many beliefs out there, but as long as your way of life does not harm or diminish anyone else, hell…have two parades. Have a daily parade. I probably won’t attend, since I barely attend even gay pride anymore (that’s a whole other column), and I’m certainly not going to leave my house for just any old social event. Rent is expensive, I may as well use the house I’m paying for. Uber Eats delivers. Get where I’m going with this? But my all means, celebrate!
I love the concept that we can celebrate our very existence and that we have a constitution in South Africa which protects that which is intrinsically a part of us.
But then I read about this planned event. This specific event.
This group of lovely ladies and gentlemen, known as “Super Happy Fun America” – no I didn’t make that up, that’s really their name and I’m sure they all have “Karen” haircuts…but anyway, I digress. These folks, who are right wing conservatives decided to hold this event in Boston this August because they claim that “Straight people are an oppressed minority” and felt that this was an “important civil rights movement”.
Here is where I drop all pretense and tell you to fuck off. Are you people for real? When is the last time you were denied medical care because you were straight? When was the last time someone attacked you for being straight?
We are always accused of trying to convert people to our wicked ways…bitch we don’t have time! We are learning to make sushi and artisanal things like bread and soap and going to cute farmers markets and things. It’s not gay people knocking on your door once a week trying to tell you the good news about Elton John, I’ll tell you that much for free.
Let me break this down for you with one of my favorite memes. “Gay pride was not born of a need to celebrate being gay, but our right to exist without persecution. So instead of wondering why theRe isn’t a straight pride movement, be thankful you don’t need one.”
So if you are a non-asshole and want to celebrate who you are, get in touch, I’ll give you a shout out, I may even raise a glass of Bernini Blush in your direction (I’m not leaving my house) and I will celebrate your existence with you. But you…Karen…you can keep right on fucking off.
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