Written by A. Wolf
Estimation of the Mouth and its Importance in Erotic Play, Foreplay and Sex
The mouth: perhaps the most erotic of all body parts except the genitals. It has a crucial role in making out and foreplay leading up to as well as during sex – and all of these procedures usually start with a kiss. The opening to foreplay and sex might all involve touching, spoken words and a host of non-verbal signals involving the eyes and body language, but it almost certainly will either be accompanied or will soon be joined by kissing and erotic tasting and even biting or nibbling. It often proceeds to evolve into oral sex or to result in sex acts which include oral sex. And a kiss might very well also end these matters and become the final act in the process of lovemaking or sex, the concluding gesture meaning or saying “Thank you.” All of these facts emphasise the importance of the mouth in erotic physicality, in human sexual behaviour and sex acts – and the mouth, or use of the mouth in erotic and sex acts, kissing and oral sex are the subjects of this instalment of For the Love of It (Part 4).
Prepping the Mouth for Kissing, Foreplay and Sex
Seemingly obvious, when referring to “the mouth,” what is meant is the upper and lower lips, the tongue and teeth and gums. Sure, it sounds like a prelude to a dentistry lecture, but all of these parts of the mouth enter into its erotic and sexual usage and are all areas of potential contact with a lover’s mouth during kissing, foreplay and sex. These parts of the mouth therefore all require attention prior to attempting to kiss your partner or before employing them in erotic foreplay and sex: A clean mouth is a must, with teeth which have ideally been both flossed and brushed along with the tongue and gums beforehand, but if not possible, a mouth which has been rinsed with mouthwash or which has at least chewed on some refreshing and cleaning chewing gum with the lips also ideally treated with some balm to counter peeling and dry lips. The lips can also be primed for kissing, foreplay and sex by applying gloss and scented balms or vanilla extract or almond oil.
First Erotic Use of the Mouth: Words, Speech and Language and Seduction
If we take a look at the erotic uses and roles of the mouth, we have to begin with words. What you say to your prospective partner and how you say it may be one of the most crucial initially enabling and determining factors which can open the possibility and which will decide whether you are going to be making out and have sex or not. I cannot get bogged down in a discourse on small talk and chit chat aimed at erotically priming, proposing and convincing prospective partners for sex, on the role of language and neurolinguistic programming in seduction, there are many videos and written material designed to assist you in learning conversation and other skills in this regard and for this purpose, on the art of seduction. Suffice to say, flattering, complimenting, verbally yet tactfully conveying your admiration and attraction and delicately, strategically making your desires and wishes or intentions known, along with a host of accompanying romantic gestures and acts of seduction (such as most cautious touching) aimed at assisting you to realize your desires, accompanied by and executed with constant and lots of sensitivity to inform you about your prospective partners’ feelings on the matter, are all part of it. Speak softly, if possible, intimately with your face as close as is comfortable to your prospective partner’s and later, when ready and appropriate, let your lips brush their cheek or ear as you speak or whisper words to entice and evoke desire. Enough! Let me conclude that words have an important role and place in enabling it and in foreplay and sex. Words can fix a prospective lover’s attention on your mouth and body, turn them on, make them want to kiss you and make them want to have sex with you.
The Mouth and the Role of Eating and Food in Foreplay and Sex
But I can’t at least touch upon words and speaking and language with regards to the role of the mouth in foreplay and sex, and not say anything about the role of food and eating. Seduction and sex is often preceded by a good meal in a restaurant or at home, and we all know about the reputation of oysters as a libido booster and as a sensual appetizer. There are other libido-boosting foods: figs, avocados and bananas and fatty fish, for instance.
Watching your prospective partner eat and them seeing and watching you eat is a turn-on for you and them. Be careful with trying to feed your partner, as in holding and presenting them with something to eat from your hand: it is a very intimate and personal gesture and your partner should be ready and willing for it, or else it could be very embarrassing to someone you are still in the earliest stages of wooing and might overall spoil your attempt at seducing them, so be careful. If you are already on as intimate terms and have already slept and had sex with a person, then you can and may comfortably offer them food by hand.
You can also use food during sex. In my first article of this series, I offered exercises in erotic, sexual play involving the testicles and warm and cold food. (Do revisit these earlier articles and instalments in the series at Exit’s online platform). Any kind of food can be used in sex (except perhaps braaivleis and bobotie en groenboontjies and the like which may not be very erotic dishes and not as suitable as foods for use in and during sex…). But peanut butter and even jam, cream or whipped cream and strawberry jelly are – they are all better suited kinds of food for the purpose of applying it to the body or genitals and for it to then be licked and eaten from each other by you or your partner. Then there is the old trick of using warm coffee to warm the mouth before giving blowjobs.
The Cardinal Rule of Kissing: This rule is to keep your lips soft and pliant during kissing, and to only ever plants a hard, forceful kiss if you are overwhelmed, over-excited, uncontrollable and overjoyed or emotional beyond measure. So, you can at times be excused for planting a forceful kiss on a lover’s mouth (even open-mouthed), but then always at least be careful so as to not hurt the person you are kissing.
Start Kissing with a Lick: There is a certain desirable start for passionate, romantic and erotic kissing when making out or during foreplay or sex: Make your tongue soft and turn it into a brush with which you paint your partner’s lips with licks. It is a way of first tasting your lover as well as a way of introducing and expressing tenderness in initial foreplay though you ought to see your own as well as your partner’s level of excitement increase rapidly upon doing this. I personally think licking someone with soft, passionate wet strokes of the tongue across the lips is infinitely more pleasurable, erotically enticing and desirable to the forceful, hard open-mouthed kissing with someone forcing their tongue into your mouth and mindlessly wriggling it around.
Kissing Proper – a Language the Two of You Can Speak: If and when you then press your lips fully onto your partner’s to properly kiss them, keep by that cardinal rule still of keeping your lips soft and relaxed (you will discover the pleasure of kissing with your lips unrestrained and soft for yourself and you will allow your partner to pick up on it themselves). You can turn your head slightly so as to turn your mouth while kissing, you can move your head forwards and backwards and push your lips out or retract them to vary the size of the area of contact between you as well as the pressure you exert through your lips upon your lover’s – and you can thereby literally engage your lover and partner in a process of subtle communication whereby you both use these cues of feeling, touch, pressure and movement at and through the contact points of your own and their mouth, their lips and tongue as your language – and the two of you can develop it in meaning and movement to make it your own.
A French Kiss – Open Mouthed, No Tongue: So, keep your lips soft, but also don’t squash your lover’s. A traditional French Kiss comprises open mouth upon open mouth kissing – it does not necessarily entail sticking your tongue into your lover’s mouth or them sticking theirs into yours – the latter should only be done as another further progressively more intimate phase in the development of a kiss. So, another rule actually is, contrary to what many men think to not force your tongue into your lover and partner’s mouth unless you are certain it will be welcomed! If your partner is hungry for your tongue and opens their mouth first, oblige them, by all means. And if you are hungry for their tongue in your mouth, carefully open your mouth while kissing and subtly force their lips apart and their mouth open while gently sucking to let them understand what you want, that you desire their tongue in your mouth and see how they respond. But don’t bluntly and forcefully thrust your tongue forward into your lover or partner’s mouth… the point being that you should first gently probe and try assert whether they would welcome and would like it before you carefully do so.
French Kissing – With Use of Your Tongues: Again, I will maintain that simply licking your lover’s lips can be far more pleasurable than forcefully and mindlessly tonguing them or they doing so to you. Because, you see, there is another problem: namely that most people stick their tongues in their lovers’ mouths and then end up embarrassingly wriggling their tongues around in there in a meaningless way… this is not what the great French Kiss should entail! If you stick your tongue in somebody’s mouth while French Kissing them, you have to do so to convey to them how finely attuned and sensitive you are to them and to their slightest movements, it should be part of that language I said that lovers speak through kissing, the kiss as a conversation that was begun when you started licking their lips. In fact, from that beginning, you can slowly intimate to your lover not only what you want and desire to do next in developing your kiss you can also subtly lead them and guide them there so as to ensure that your every step and movement executed progressively as you kiss are welcomed and occur to the accompaniment of heightening of desire in both of you. If your lover wants to stick their tongue into your mouth and you allowed and welcomed it, they should be equally as gentle and as delicate and cautious in executing the manoeuvre and make the act and successive movements of your tongues entwining as meaningful.
Things can and perhaps should get more and more heated, and the levels of passion and excitement should rise as you continue this manner of kissing. But even with your tongues communicating frantically, it will be best if you still manage to do so meaningfully and succeed in conveying even higher senses of attraction, desire, lust and sexual passion and bliss through the contact and movements of your tongues. There is, of course, always a moment possible of losing control during kissing, in foreplay and during sex, but a measure of awareness and sensitivity can still be maintained to enjoy and find the greatest pleasure then in even the contraction and stiffening and rigidity of two lovers’ tongues at and during such moments and at peaks of heightened passion (which can and perhaps should occur several times during even just kissing, during foreplay and sex before the two lovers reach an orgasm).
Concluding with a Kiss: As I’ve said earlier, sex will very well and most likely also be concluded with a kiss. A slow, soft, gentle drawn out open mouthed French Kiss will most likely be most appropriate while a peck on the cheek or a brisk hard peck on the lips will probably be most undesirable. The latter type of kiss in conclusion will be like saying “Slam! Bang! Thank you, man and now I’m off. Since I’ve had my way, you won’t see me again” or “Thank you, but that was crap sex!” It is to be avoided even if the sex had been disappointing: always be a gentleman and thank your lover or partner after sex with a sweet kiss (through which one might actually intimate to them just a little just what good sex might have entailed).