#QueerJoy and Companionship

“Love is the reason we are here!” I cannot remember where I heard this line but February is the love month and it is a cue to celebrate all kinds of love and connections. Although I cannot remember ever celebrating Valentine’s Day (LOL), I still believe in the power of love. I have met some interesting suitors I could have celebrated V-Day with, but I guess I have been unlucky in the love department. This is my chance to be a little vulnerable about my unpredictable but quite rocking love life.

I am blessed with tons of friends and sometimes I cannot keep up. I love them very much. I still remember that quote by Christy Evans: “Good friends are like stars. You don’t always see them, but you know they’re always there.” My friends have always given me a sense of queer joy and not romantic partners. In all my dating experiences, no love interest has swept me off my feet although I have had a series of adventurous flings and those too are part and parcel of me experiencing queer joy. My friends’ company is priceless, the memories are endless and some moments are sparkling like a night of champagne.

Queer joy does not always have to be Instagrammable picture-perfect moments or amazing getaways with loved ones. Queer joy is sometimes experienced in subtle moments like a kiss from a stranger you will never see again. Queer joy is also being content with you for loving yourself wholeheartedly in difficult circumstances. In those periods of silences and deep reflections, lie treasures within that unlock fountains of queer joy.

I also experience queer joy when I am listening to music by queer musicians or ally artists. The sense of fulfilment I get when playing my favourite songs matches a billion Rand in the bank account. Music also helps me to face my fears and confront my shadow. I had a tear-jerking meditation where God’s whispers were literally saying, “Pray for a partner that understands your vision.” I have an amazing family, a progressive creative career with an influential network, friends that can take me to high places but there is just one thing that I don’t have: an inspiring love life. I’m an artist at heart, and you know what they say about the one. I need my Trinity too like Neo in The Matrix. Hahaha!

Surprisingly, I have been actively looking for a romantic partner but I doubt it has been the right way. I was not conscious enough and not doing the internal/external work to attract/manifest the ideal partner. My friend questioned me, “How are you going to find a boyfriend if you’re always wearing baggy clothing and always indoors? You have a great physique and you need to flaunt it babe.” I laughed out loud but it was a gentle truth of some sort. I don’t care much about appearance but the dating world gods said I should revamp the look, be more of me and not the shy version. As much as I love being authentic, I also acknowledge that self-expression through materialism is sometimes expensive, and I seek the heart of a person and not the outer shell. I also have not been doing the hard work of focusing on my future goals, not to be confused with overworking. 

I understand that in order for me to experience the highest form of queer joy I yearn for with a romantic partner (it could be a fantasy), I need to vibrate at a higher frequency to find my match. It is one hard truth pill to swallow to actively improve my life to accommodate the ideal partner. My intuition says there are no shortcuts to this; otherwise heartbreak will be on the menu. I have also seen this epiphany with our cover star power couple Buhlebendalo and Botshelo. They are so aligned with their callings and you could tell their chakras are aligned because their presence was just so magnetic on set (during the cover shoot). Buhlebendalo and Botshelo Instagram videos are a hit and you would wonder why they do not have a reality show because their honesty in how they tackle life’s obstacles as queer beings is truly inspiring. I pray and hope that you are matched with companions that are worthwhile in this Earthly life and beyond.

I have shared my truth about companionship and it makes me quite excited about what the future has for me in the love department. I do have a potential love interest and I intend to see where it goes. “Can I get an Amen?” – In RuPaul’s voice.

“Only truth in the cosmos is love, all else is but lies. Life’s only truth is love, all else is but death in disguise.” – Abhijit Naskar

Happy Love Month sweethearts!


Katlego Kganyago


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