FOR THE LOVE OF IT PART 6 – LOVE ONE ANOTHER: SEX AIDS, TOYS AND GAY MALE SEXUAL INJURIES

Written by A. Wolf

 

Introduction

This is the final article in the For the Love of It series and we will be looking at sex toys and sexual injuries – two not always unrelated subjects. Yet, these two subjects offer encouragement to explore our sexualities but to do so responsibly and with care. You have probably already had your own encounters with sex toys. The sex toys market size is valued by Grandview research at $32.7 billion in 2022 – it has exploded over recent years. It is humanity at play and attitudes towards sex toys have changed vastly over the past couple of decades as well. Sex toys have at first been seen as a taboo, but along with porn, attitudes towards sex toys have shifted from a taboo to permissible and from initially being seen as the recourse of the single person to being a feature of normal sex lives of people of all sexual orientations and genders. Just the range of sex toys are incredible. In this article we will be covering the basic types before looking at a few of the most common and general sexual injuries. We encourage you to explore sex toys for yourself, with or without a partner, solo or with someone, but as always, to do so responsibly and with care so as to avoid injuries.

Sex Toys: Their Uses

Sex toys can be used by any adult, whether as part of partnered sex or as part of masturbation, and as part of your general sex life in both ways and senses, but they can also be used in cases of sexual dysfunction and by people with disabilities and limited mobility. They can help in the treatment of erectile dysfunction, genital arousal disorder, orgasm disorder and hypoactive sexual disorder. The side-effects of certain medications, symptoms of certain health conditions and age-related sexual problems can also be countered through the use of sex toys. Some sex toys can help to confirm gender identity, such as in the cases of transgender, nonbinary or gender nonconforming people, but some sex toys are designed for and can also be used especially by lesbians or homosexual men. Sex toys have become a part of regular sex lives and can no longer be seen as merely the recourse of the lonely. 

Let’s look at types of sex toys and you may select what seemingly suits you best – pick a type which you can then further research and investigate, speak to the staff of adult or sex shops or a sex therapist or even your close and trusted friends about. If you suffer from blood disorders or use blood-thinning medication, consult your doctor before using sex toys. We will in -particular be discussing sex toys for men and for gay and bisexual men and for those with male genitalia.

 

Types of Sex Toys

Cock Rings – These are very basic and common sex toys. Usually it entails a simple ring of rubber, metal, silicon or leather or some other usually flexible material which is fitted around the penis and the testicles (which in other words both go into the ring) – with some types such as the leather ones coming with snaps and looking like a short strap which can be folded and snapped into place around the penis and scrotum. Basically, the rings impair blood flow out of the penis which engorges it, causing a larger and firmer erection. But the erect penis thus not only becomes larger than usual, the sense of arousal is also increased and for many their sensitivity or susceptibility to stimulation is also increased. 

Let it be said, many men already like penis rings just for the seeming increase in size which they effect, besides the increased susceptibility to stimulation, while some even claim it allows them to perform for longer and to stave off their orgasms while enhancing it when they do occur while also increasing the force of their ejaculations. Some cock rings are equipped with little vibrators enabling you to rotate the ring so as to let the vibrator bear down on or to stimulate a specific spot within its range. But there are important cautionary things to be said about cock rings: First, wearing them for longer than 30 minutes at a time is risky and can cause injury to the penis when it causes blood vessels to burst and damage veins and arteries or other structures within the penis. Take it off after 30 minutes or as soon as any pain or discomfort is felt. The metal cock rings can also be difficult to remove when the time comes and there have been numerous cases in which guys have arrived at hospitals needing assistance in the removal of such cock rings. 

Vibrators – We can classify all vibrators as one of two kinds: First, external types which are objects which vibrate which can be pressed to the penis so as to stimulate it and secondly, enveloping types of vibrating devices which the penis can by pushed into and which surrounds the penis either entirely or partly. Both kinds create pleasure and stimulation for/of the penis through its vibrating function. The enveloping types either enclose the penis entirely or partly. The enveloping kind entails a kind of a tube which accommodates the penis made on the inside of pliable, soft and accommodating material including silicon but often of special materials made for the purpose and which becomes slippery if smeared with lube or semen and which can afterwards be washed and cleansed again. Almost all vibrators have buttons or nubs which can be pressed to control the strength and intensity of its vibration action and which can regulate the vibrational function according to various settings and patterns of vibration such as in pulsed, continuous and uninterrupted, three short and three long or from soft to strong vibrations amongst others. External vibrators can also be used on the testicles and nipples.  

Dildos – These are usually penis-shaped objects that are used for anal and oral sex made of rubber, silicon, metal, glass or other materials. The penis-shape is, however, often only very basic and some dildos can be really abstract and weirdly shaped including being curved to stimulate the prostate while some have shapes based on those of animal penises. Many dildos come with suction cups and devices at their base which enables the user to stick and fix it firmly unto surfaces such walls or table tops for use. Obviously, dildos are intended for penetrative sex and some come with and can also be classified as being vibrators.

Sleeves – Are tube-shaped objects made of soft, pliable material which can be fitted over and around the penis usually covering the entire shaft of the penis or part of it and having varying types of knobs or patterning of texture on the inside to vary its type of stimulation and delivered sensation. The sleeve is usually used with lubricant and either moves up and down the shaft when lubricated or moves the skin of the penis’ shaft in the same motion as when the penis is masturbated by enclosing the shaft in a fist. Sleeves are also designed and made to accommodate different sized penises and transmen on hormone therapy.

Pumps – Pumps are enveloping kind of tubes which perform a suction function of which the strength can be varied to create a vacuum around the inserted penis through either a hand or a battery driven pump. Penis pumps thus creates a pleasant sensation and can temporarily enlarge the penis, but unlike some marketing claims by manufacturers, penis pumps can’t permanently increase penis size. Pumps specially designed for the purpose can help treat erectile dysfunction, genital arousal disorder and orgasm disorder. Pumps should not be used for longer than indicated and one has to be careful so as to not cause injuries. One of the fun ways to use pumps is to give the pump mechanism or controls to your partner and to allow them to create the pump action, to control its strength and action and thus also the pleasurable sensation it creates – and to thus take turns.

Flesh Lights – These are tubes inside cannisters or tube-like objects into which the penis is inserted and which can then be moved up or down the penis or into which the penis can be thrust and withdrawn repeatedly in a masturbational performance which simulates the feeling and sensation of penetrative sex with a partner. The cannister types can be small and designed to look like a thermos cup or be of the large type designed to look like a torch or a flashlight and therefore the common name of or as a “flesh light.” Some of the flesh lights can be quite beautiful or exotic-looking objects made of special material to surround the inserted penis with something approximating the feel and sensation of real flesh. You get flesh lights with specially designed patterns of knobs and bobbins inside the inner tube for stimulating and pleasuring the inserted penis while some also have openings at both end between which you can switch or vary your insertions or which can accommodate two penises inserted at opposite ends at once (which will therefore meet head-to-head so to speak in the middle and center of the inner tube).      

Beads and Balls (Ben Wa balls) – These are either loose, separate balls or connected balls or beads along a string which are inserted into the anus to either create a pleasurable sensation or to help tone the PC or Kegel muscle used in controlling pleasurable sensations and orgasms. This exercise and action are performed by inserting the balls or beads and by then pinching the anus and using the PC muscle to move the balls along inside the anus. Be careful though of inserting the loose balls too deep up the anus for retrieval which will compel you to seek help.

Anal and Prostate Stimulators – Some, shaped like penises, others of various shapes and sizes, all these devices are designed and made to be inserted into the anus, some to reach the prostate. Some of these devices also protrude outside along the perineum and most vibrate. The thin, slender, curved variety especially are also anal vibrators aimed at stimulating the prostate in particular. 

App and Remote Controlled Devices – Some vibrators can be remote or app controlled, giving a person controlling the remote control or telephone with the app the ability to control the vibrational speed, pattern and intensity and even the heat function of the sex toy if it has any. This can be great fun. It is a sure sign of the incorporation of the most modern technologies into sex toys – and also given the use of specialized materials in sex toys, it has resulted in users having a vast array of choices of designer devices at their disposal. 

   Some people see the use of sex toys as indicating that they are inadequate as partners, which is not so. If your partner suggests the introduction of a sex toy to your sexual repertoire, do not be offended, try it in the name of discovery and experimentation and in the name of the spirit of adventure. 

Care in Use and Maintenance of Sex Toys

Always read manufacturers’ instructions before using sex toys. Always clean your sex toys after use following the instructions provided by manufacturers. Warm soapy water may serve if no manufacturers’ cleaning guidelines are provided. Condoms can also be fitted over some sex toys so as to prevent it becoming dirty and contaminated. It is suggested that you use new condoms every time you switch using a sex toy between partners. 

Some Exercises

Masturbating and Sex with Cock Rings – Try solo masturbating with a cock ring first before using it in partnered sex – it will give an idea of what it can do for you and for your partner. And remember to buy two for use during partnered sex if you should find the cock ring agreeable during a solo session!

Play with a Penis Pump – Take turns pumping for each other during partnered sex. Remember to not use the pump longer than indicated in the instructions – a safe measure would be 30 minutes for each partner. 

Solo Masturbation and Partnered Sex with Vibrators and Dildos – You can also first try having a solo session with any new vibrator or dildo to discover how it works best for you – which lube to apply, which condom etc. Next, you can introduce it to your partner, but take it slowly especially with anal penetration with a vibrator or dildo.

Anal Fun with Beads – Pick your size beads on a string and have a first session with them alone. Insert as many as is comfortable and then retract them. Next introduce them to your partner and have a shared session. (I prefer beads on a string to lose balls which can get lodged in the anus).

 

Some Common Sex Injuries

An array of sexual injuries can occur during and as a result of sexual activity. We will look at some of them here and give advice as to how they can be treated, although a visit to the doctor is also recommendable in most cases.

Carpet Burns – This is areas of red and inflamed and painful surface areas developing on the penis following sex and which result from friction during sexual activity. Washing and bathing the area with cool water with antibacterial soap will help for merely inflamed and red skin, but if the skin is broken, then also do so and also apply antibacterial and antiseptic cream afterwards and covering the area with a bandage. 

A Broken Penis – The penis can be bent too far or slapped too hard and one or both cylinders inside which fill with blood during an erection can be damaged. It usually is accompanied by a popping sound and requires medical attention as soon as possible. 

Objects Lodged in the Anus – Yip, it happens and more often than you think! Take a deep breath and squeeze. If this doesn’t help, you have to seek medical help and go to the Emergency Room.  Don’t worry, your case will be treated as confidential and with discretion.

Muscle Pull or Back Injury – Some of your muscles pull together and tense during sex and orgasms, which can strain or cause injury to them. Similarly, you can strain your back muscles during sex, injuring some of your back muscles. You can try a muscle relaxant with a pain killer and apply a salve for muscle strain onto the affected area. However, if the condition persists, get medical help.  

Allergic Reactions – One source speaks of a case in which a man which had eaten spicy hot food caused his partner to develop a rash after they had oral sex. However, anything from lubricant to condoms and even cologne can trigger an allergic reaction. Try remedy the allergy by washing the affected area with soapy water and applying cream for a rash. However, if you don’t succeed in allaying the effects yourself, seek medical help. 

Urinary Tract Infection – Can result from having too much sex or from a partner entering you too early or roughly and can be very painful. Prevent this condition by using enough lube during sex, but if you experience a burn sensation and pain while urinating, seek your doctor’s advice. A course of antibiotics will fix this problem.  

   This ends our For the Love of It series of articles on male sexual anatomy and gay sex. Thank you for having been with us and we hope that you found something of use and beneficial to you in your sex life in the series.

  1. Wolf is the nom de guerre of a gay man who is also a LGBTQI activist and who is a regular contributor to Exit. He has an academic background in anthropology but is not a sexologist or a sex therapist, though he has done focused research for especially for this series of articles.

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